As any writer knows we splurge out words before regimenting them as we wish. This page remains a set of notes based on a contemporaneous record, and they will form a story I would not be uncomfortable placing before a Court of Law. Justise Eady is on my shoulder as I write. I am sick of others hearing in my words things I did not mean and attitudes I do not hold.

Descent to bankruptcy caused by medical negligence and academic arrogance.

Go to The day before the medical profession destroyed my life.

Par. 1. None of what is below was on line or public from me prior to 9.11.06. Nor would it be on line now had I not needed to submit a debtor's petition for bankruptcy in 2006 because of events that began in 2004. Case 362, Halifax County Court, 8.11.06, now discharged without restriction orders or undertakings against me, but no honest or decent redress of any kind has been made by those who did the wrong, and whose lies, defamation, slander, negligence, exclusion, derision, sexism, cultural insensitivity and abuse caused the problem. Quite the opposite. (finalised 14.5.11)

Par. 2. What I was not doing in March 2004, which is when the destruction of my life began: I was not having a mid life crisis; I was not crazily taking a general societal concern to the police under the delusion they could correct the ills of the world, nor was I involved in a displacement activity; I was not seeking publicity; I was not having a mental breakdown; I was not making a political point; I was not having a crisis of confidence; I was not making up things to be interesting; I was not making a moral point; I did not think I was the object of a secret plot of any kind, quite the opposite - no plot thought had crossed my mind, and still has not; I was not time wasting; I had not told anyone I thought I was a secret agent, or that I knew such people. I had forgotten professionally they existed, except in my work as an historian; I was harrassing no one - not criminally, not vexatiously and not in my personal life. I was not worrying about nothing without precedent, even though I was happy to think I might be wrong on this occasion; I was taking nothing from anyone and was not judging, belittling or rubbishing the work of others. No one. I was not trying to manipulate anyone, not trying to arrange their life (expressing opinion in private conversation is not seeking to reshape someone's life), and not hugging to myself information I knew they had a right to in order to live their life and to defend themselves. (finalised 14.5.11)

Par. 3. Nor was I turning down therapeutic drugs to avoid symptoms because I thought the symptoms were better that the side effects of treatment. There were no symptoms to medicate. That was medical fantasy. Not mine. (finalised 14.5.11)

Par. 4. WHAT I ENCOUNTERED WAS CULTURALLY INSENSITVE, AGEIST, SEXIST, PRIVACY ABUSING CLINICAL SHITE STILL ROOTED IN THE 1950S. (finalised 14.5.11)

Par. 5. Now let me tell you why I have written words of anger. Because they are telling you a truth I can tell no other way and because you abused my physically and psychologically and wilfully, and since you stonewalled private redress you need to know the consequences to me as a human being of your behaviour as doctors toward me. You destroyed my family and the trust in it, and had I died in 2004 that would have been fine by me. I am sickened by what I have learned since then of the human race and of the attitudes of supposedly educated intelligent people. The whole fucking nasty lot of you belong in prison. Even had I been deluded (especially if I had been deluded) your methods via the empowerment of the MHAct are stinking shite of despicable condescension and disrespect. (finalised 15.5.11) You have experienced no physical or psychological trauma, nor financial loss as a consequence of me trying to tell you the truth to prevent you doing damage in this way to anyone else. And you need to review whether your methods have wilfully sought to create a familial cohort on paper to cover for your lousy clinical practice and drawing sustenance from profound ignorance and prejudice about medicine. Because I can think of nothing other than ignorance of medicine that would explain the MHAct. (finalised 15.5.11)

I had no knowledge of the UK Mental Health Act, nor of how it is an open invitation to vigilantes, prejudice and exclusion. It is the embodiment of Fascism. It is made for cowardly manipulators who use it to co-opt power for themselves they have no right to, nor competence to wield. I did not know how it plays on ignorance, nor how it teases out cruelty and is ripe for abuse.

I had no idea how police and medics gossip between one another, egregiously abusing privacy, trampling civil liberty because someone with a quasi gauleiter's mentality wants to assert their superiority and moral competence at the expense of one of their fellow citizens.

See my journalism credits (earned) 1984 to 2006. For a significant portion of my work after 2006 explore this website. If you click here a window will open within this window providing links to html urls on this website. I have others, and since and from 1980 up to and including to date. Explore this website.

Nor was I in 2004 running a failing business, as my tax returns and accounts of the time show (though I ought to have registered much earlier for VAT, despite being below the turnover threshhold) and my income as a journalist would have been higher given who was publishing my work had I known to register for the authors' licensing and copyright service. But making a profit does not mean after intelligent analysis that it is one which sensibly and honestly one should continue. I had made the decision to change in 2002 when I had a massive amount of leeway in every way to do so. And though the housing boom was yet to implode I had no doubt it was very likely to do so again because of the way credit was being used as an alternate to productivity (I was productive, but productivity is useless without an accessible market, and without affordable supplies of verifiable quality).

I decided to beat the odds fairly and honestly and with minimum risk. I was well on the way to doing so and had successfully paid back my mortgage in full, which would have left me with a small amount, after paying creditors, to move into my new life. My path to seeing my plan through in full, which meant continueing to enhance my earning ability, was scuppered in a slow and lying and nasty, nasty way, and had those I trusted not betrayed me through 2004, would have been sufficient.

Those whom I trusted were qualified and licensed doctors working for the UK NHS, my solicitor of two decades, West Yorkshire police and their colleagues more widely. They showed me I should not have done so. It is not only the bankruptcy order mentioned above which makes what I am writing a matter of legitimate public interest. The probem was the abuse of medicine to protect wilfully negligent and utterly disrespectful diagnoses. There is more than enough evidence in proof of my allegation. The question for the CPS, it seems to me, is whether that wilful negligence was because of flawed diagnostic norms?

Nor was I seeking a way not to see through my academic work.

My plans were scuppered. There was no likelihood at all of bankruptcy in February 2004. By now in the life I had worked for and had earned and which no-one but I was paying for I am supposed to have my Ph.D and a new career and work. A small house paid for and work. And because of my own care, planning and forethought. Not one penny I spent would I have spent as I did had I know the stinking shit I was dealing with, nor of the shite of the MHAct, nor of the lies and tripe others say and believe and how medics gulp it in. Nor if I had known that the medics, Michael Worboys, at CHSTM, where I was a part time graduate student on merit, Judith Stansfield of Blake Lapthorn (she has left - I had been their client for two decades when they were Linnells) and later Ian Dellow in July 2004 would not explain their bizarre words and behaviour. They chose to kick me out of my life. Have you now succeeded in recreating me in your mind in a way that justfies you worthlss shite? Your lies and game playing shit. You did the damage then lied through your fucking teeth to say it was me. Twisting every bloody thing you could that I said.

Those named here caused it. Two and a half years later - years of wasted shite, derision, abuse and exclusion - I took clear advise from my bank of 30 years (NatWest) as to their view of the appropriate course of action. Result: Bankruptcy petition by me, followed by bankruptcy order. Don't kid yourself I got what I deserved or had lied to you or had a record of gettting overwrought. I had not and did not.

Prior to that advice I was NOT insolvent, though in mid 2005 had I not been willing to sell my last capital asset I would have been. I was prepared to sell that asset. Again I ahd no idea what nasty little pea brains make of medical shite. Nat West knew I was prepared to sell that asset (I would have preferred not to, but the decision was made), and after speaking with them I did sell it. Once again others scuppered my efforts, my earning ability and my reputation with outright defamation. The obscenity of defamation, when done in secret but with a large pool of people knowing of the defamation from other than the defamed, is that it destroys the confidence of the defamed - the wrongly accused - and I was the wrongly accused, and the one excluded from her own life for no reason and with no explanations.

The libel reform that is needed is to insist on mediation by law, because in my case that would have mitigated a lot of the damage. I tried very hard to do exactly that. My efforts were scuppered and undermined - in fact by lawyers who did not do what they said they would do. Not all the damage, because the medics, who in their mindless stupidity were destroying my life with diagnosis ungiven and unexplained and who were obfuscating and lying and telling others of diagnoses where no such diagnosis ought to have existed, but not telling me explicity, were protecting their incorrect diagnosis by not giving it to me, nor their reasoning and thus not allowing themselves to learn they were wrong.

Why the bloody hell did I ever leave the city?

I am also acquitted of criminal charges of harassment without violence. There are no charges the State could bring against me as of today (11th May, 2011) to which I would not plead not guilty now or at any date in future.

Those who thought they were being harassed by me need to take out their anger on their employers, on the MHAct and the prejudices it builds on, on the defence solicitors in the criminal justice system who might as well work for the CPS, and on those who cannot bear to see their colleagues grow in competence and understanding, and most of all on the medics who lied and lied and lied with words to me, in writing to one another and in silence to me. I am damned if I am going to try to do your job for you via wikepedia or anything else your stupid laziness deems I ought to read. Your job as doctors was to engage with me, talk to me the then patient, ignore anonymous tips, and tell me what you mean by words. What the fuck was the specific thing you thought was a delusion? And why did you never tell ME that was what you thought, whilst apparently telling others. You are life destroying pieces of lying and fantasizing shit, and in your case the "better safe than sorry" maxime in fact is the danger, and the wrong not the protection.

You, Dr Balraj, have written lying notes of worthless garbage. You fed into local prejudice. You are a criminally dangerous liar. Were you set up? You did nothing of decency for me, nor for the country in the manner your treated me. You did not save the country from a dangerous and deluded and lying beast. You took advantage of my trust and respect. You had no right to destroy my life. Because you sure as hell did. Are you a prejudiced bitch? As well as a liar? Never in a million years when I saw you in 2004 would it have crosed my mind I would need to insist on my right to see your notes, nor that they would contain the lies they did, nor that I would write the kind of language I am now writing. I had no idea what shite you were talking behind my back, nor to whom. Not at the time and, actually, even now I do not know what you told my GP (It was long after you did so that I learned you had done). How bloody dare you violate my rightful privacy without my consent and/or knowledge. Shall I tell you all the basic things of decent medicine you did not do? All the questions you did not ask? So again - were you set up? You and your colleagues drive people to what is a place of desperation created to save your jobs and salaries and status, and to hell with the patient, and are driven by fools and those with the mindset of the ducking stool.

Did you know I had family members working in the local surgery? Were you trying to trash those relationships of trust, because you sure as hell succeeded, you worthless medical shites. That last phrase is the external manifestation of the pain and destruction you and your shite methods caused, and caused to someone who was doing no harm to anyone. And the language is the language of pain and fury at my life pissed to shite by you.

How many miscarriages of justice are the medical profession responsible for?

In 2006 I scrabbled to save myself, but with all my plans and care cut to ribbons by idiots seeking to hide their shit in the skirts of the stinking MHAct. Not one second of my life should have spent in any kind of hospital related to mental health. Not one second making me a prey to shite drugs of unneeded garbage to suit slandering gits with axes to grind. As for ECT and CTOs - rot in hell you rape minded, vicious sick shits. Or did you think I had committed a crime? Pray tell -- what was it? And committing crime is not a symptom of mental illness.

Throughout I sought explanation for the wrong done to me by lying medics and others in 2004 and 2005. Inititially in 2004 quietly and respectfuly, and then, as I saw others flush my life down the toilet, I was asking with increased desperation, casting around desperately to try to think of any misunderstanding at any time in my life since I was a child that might be making people behave towards me in the way they were. I have one life. One only, and this Act and its obfuscations destroyed it. Pissed it to wasted fucking shite. Then you pieces of trash decided to make up the idea of late-onset schizophrenia to cover your backside. Total bloody bollocks. And if antipsychotics do not work that is probably because the person is not psychotic, but is scared of ignorant pillocks who object to free speech. In my case my language was courteous and polite.

THE DAY BEFORE THE LIFE I LOVED WAS DESTROYED
was 5th March 2004. I was very happy, confident and looking forward. There was not even the remotest likelihood of bankruptcy. I was not mentally ill, but was mildly stressed because I was house hunting. I had just sold my house and was the temporary guest of my mother and stepfather, having placed my goods in storage. I am the author of two books and I was a part time post graduate research student at the University of Manchester. I was changing career from journalism.

Out of the blue, unrelated to the fact that I felt slightly sick at the thought I might have had an intrusion to my office, on the 6th March by lunchtime I felt very ill and asked to be taken to hospital.

Why might an intrusion have made me feel more sick than many others? My contact books as a journalist stretching back nearly 25 years, my notebooks, photographs others had taken of me and contacts, papers I had legtimately and with consent copied in my work as an editor, author and journalist and the embargoed access I had (and have) to early releases of price sensitive material. The privacy of others not myself was what at that stage bothered me, and even more after words said to me by my solicitor, then of two decades. I had not told her of these reasons for my concern. But she, out of the blue, and giving me no subsequent explanation said to me: We have no one dealing with national security, criminal law or litigation. Find a larger firm in Leeds or Manchester which does. What would you do if your solicitor said that to you, wrote to you to that effect and then refused to tell you what she meant or what your were supposed to say to those solicitors? And when you desperately needed her help and the help of a firm you knew because medics and an academic were trashing your life without explanation? She and Blake Lapthorn after two decades threw me overboard without cause or explanation and without a life belt and did not give a shit. And I was too stupid to realise how thoroughly they and the medics and an academic and then the police were going to piss on me and on my life. And too stupid to realise what was happenning amd that no one gave a shit. What a stinking dishonest country we have become.

But it was not that sense of sickness, which was a real response to a real and reasonable concern, which put me in hospital. I do not know what did but I do know it was not major psychiatric illness despite the lies and miresporting in my words in medical notes and the shite they have written. Dear medics locally -- do not bloody dare to hover around me ready to intevene in "kindness" for my own good. Piss off you witless assholes and stay the fuck out of my life. You have shown yourselves to be lying assholes of prejudiced shit willing to let a life be turned to nothing rather than tell that person what the fuck you thought was a symptom, prusambly because you do not want to pay for the wrong you have done to me if you tell me and I can then explain rationally with proof how and why you are wrong. Was that why District Judge Bennett kept my proof of my identity and professional life out of Court. To protect you at my expense? Who decided I was not entitled to a defence and had to pay the price for the wrong doing of others?

That is not because I have prejudice against or fear of psychiatric illness. I do not.

If I encounterd a standard technique it is a technique of medieval sexist life destroying shit. This bad language is an external manifestaion of the crime you committed against me with you shite techniques. An if what I encountered CBT in Calderdale you should not have passed your exams.

Part of me wanders if he thought that the copy of the book I had with me - the History of EUMETSAT which I wrote -- was a delusion, a prop enabling me to think I was the Helen Gavaghan who had written that book. Well I was. It was not a delusion. It did not cross my mind at the time that he thought the book was a delusion. Did he? Is that what Balraj thought? That I was deluded to say I was at the University of Manchester? br>
Is your stinking sick viscious obscene tactic to tie the human being to an existence of shite as they try to untangle your shit? You worthless life destroying bastards.

What chain of evidence would you like? US immigration has my finger print and my social security number and a record of my I Visas. And the reason I took a trip to Washington DC in December 2004 was to give someone in law enforcement somewhere a chain of admissable evidence in a Court of Law as to who I actually am. The Star chamber I encountered on 22 January 2008 in Huddersfield - and no press were present - jolly jape was it, the absence? -- had little concept of a chain of evidence, or evidence of identity, or evidence of anything at all - actually.

I did not use the word manifestation with the independent psychiatrist in 2008 because I was by then deeply leary of how British psychiatrists hear language.

On 6th March 2004 my perception was heightened. I was drowsy. My autonomous nervous system seemed disconnected or disrupted in some way. I do not take drugs.

I was not hungover, though I do drink. I was ill. Whatever the problem was did not go away immediately. Can a panic attack have a subsequent sustained physical consequence. Not for very long and not such as would incapacitate for work, but real and concerning enough to make one think of going to the doctor. Something which was there for a few days? Well I went to the doctor not knowing that almost immediately they had decided I was psychotic with an endogenous psychosis with all kinds of symptoms they just made up - as far as I can tell - for the hell of it. You Burley and Balraj and all the rest of you were not practising medicine. I have no idea what you thought you were doing but it sure as hell was not medicine.

This is my CV. But you have trashed despite the courtesy with which I treated you, because when I sought help knowing you were wrong and were all back covering no one wanted to know. Oh I did write to the GMC but they like you ignored me. Can a major muscle experience deep and suffused feeling of chill? Try to read these words as not being psychosis but rather the report of someone with an honours degree in science from a major university, post graduate research experience, years of reporting experience and authorship and no drug habit, and also as someone who enjoyed living her professional life below the public radar screen.

Within 24 hours, though I did not know that was what they were doing, the local medical profession had begun the destruction of my life.

Now as I look back (and I have my notes of the time and other notes written by others of the time) I see the sick witch hunters of 2004 and their stinking desire to bring me to my senses and make me see myself as they in their viscious nasty belittling way saw me -- some worried sick criminal deluded and fantasizing bitch. And what shite methods of utter nastiness you used.

I knew exactly, when I sold my home, how I intended to spend my realised capital from the sale of my home - and it was carefully and responsibly planned - and I knew that what I was doing academically was to enhance my life and earning ability in a hugely changing world. Though I was interested in exploring whther I might become an academic I did not assume I would but knew the Ph.D coupled with my professional CV would help my earning ability. And I knew how what I had already done and was then doing would keep my future financially secure in a way I could live with. Bankruptcy, medical, police and academic abuse and derision and lack of explanation did not form part of the plan.

It would be nice to have access to doctors I can trust, but I do not because the brain dead blinkered pillocks cannot get it through their stupid heads that they were wrong and that for my future safety and well being they need to rewrite their notes making explicit the fact they screwed up and got it wrong.

I really had at every step planned financially with care given what I knew were the limitations on my knowledge set (meaning I have as yet never tried to understand how to deal in shares), and I was well able to do compound fractions and to read the clauses in terms and conditions. That was fine for my personality.

I knew how much I would spend on the first real holiday of years and on a new second hand car. If you are starving in a drought ridden country this, no doubt, seems stupid to you. You may be right. But when you and your countrywomen and men are no longer starving in a drought ridden country I hope there will be no MHAct, no compulsory treatment orders and no medicocracy to greet you.

The MHAct and CTOs are not about politics. They are a cross party obscenity created by fools. And medicine is never certain enough that it can be used as fact to justify a CTO. Always the right to say no must exist. Even if saying no means you die.

Never let psychiatry be viewed as emergency medicine. That way you turn life into a hell of hatred and rage. And you hurt the innocent, as you hurt me.

Emergency medicine, beyond the bare essentials, ought never to be practised other than by or under the supervision of a fully qualified and currently licensed doctor. If you are trapped in an Antarctic glacier obviously you might want to modify the protocol.

In public health matters, a category into which mental health does not fit, the law already exists.

I had no means to anticipate that physical illness of a passing nature would be viewed as mental illness of a chronic, delusional and psychotic kind, even though it was not, nor did I know how draconian and nasty the mental health act is and how it panders to ignorance, giving medics and the general public a sense of empowerment over lives which do not belong to them. Nor did I know how it turns the police deaf.

Beware all middle aged women who, like me, are unmarried and have left the metropolis (temporarily) and who ask to be taken to hospital because of feeling physically ill. There is a prejudiced, sexist, ageist git out their ready to profit at your expense and call you a deluded bitch in need of sectioning. Do not bloody well try that again, assholes.

Before feeling ill and asking to be taken to hospital I had begun to pay back planned debt incurred as I drew down capital against a known appreciating capital asset to fund the transition I had chosen to make. I had the future well being of people I loved in mind.

I justifiably had no self doubt about my academic work, was well on track and was following quite happily where my thesis advisor was leading, and had no doubt about my ability, nor about completing the work, nor doubt about the value I was acquiring. I was uncertain about how to make certain types of grant application and copyright in different circumstances, but asking about those things is not evidence of incompetence.

I had hurt no one, stolen from no one (a Mars bar when I was 11 and that crippled me with guilt, despite the mitigating circumstances which I would not admit as valid), damaged no-one's life and had done nothing to damage anyone's reputation or job propects. And if an 11 year old steals it is wrong, but it does not have the same meaning as whenbr an adult steals.

The medics I encountered from 2004 were in marked contrast to the psychiatrist and therapist whom I consulted in 1992 in Washington DC following two suicides by people whose pain I would have tried to alleviate - but only with their consent - if I had known of and understood that pain. Successful treatment for extreme grief in 1992 does not make one mentally ill and psychotic in 2004.

From March 2004 at every chance people got professionally to twist my words and block my efforts at clarification and resolution they did (Stanfield, Worboys, the medics and, more than anyone else in 2004, Ian Dellow who told me, a journalist who had had legitimate contact with military sources - see and read my books and journalism - that a D-Notice would apply but would not be specific). Then he lied and tried to make it seem it was my delusion. You worthless shit. And there has been no apology or correction. He was in uniform in Halifax Police Station at the time that he told me a D-Notice would apply, and when he asked me if I had ever been a paid security forces or police informant.NO I BLOODY WELL HAVE NOT BEEN. Nor have I claimed to have done so, or claimed to be anything other than a journalist.

Would fellow journalists who have covered similar beats to me and have had the contacts I had and have and were undertaking the academic research I was undertaking have assumed, as I did, Inspector Dellow was to be taken seriously? Would they have asked him what he meant?

Get it through your thick heads there is no friggin late onset psychosis. You friggin condesending privacy abusing gits. That is what you were to me.

The damage was not to do with mental illness but because they did not tell me what they were thinking but did tell others. They never go back to the beginning and ask if a diagnosis ought to have existed in the first place. Did I encounter a diagnostic norm? I also think they have created a cohort which is a false cohort. This mess is there stupid faults in total. No excuse. Someone belongs in prison and it is not me.

The passive aggression of silence from professionals was smack in the face after smack in the face. They destroyed my CV at its most vulnerable.

Do not bloody dare blame me for the fall out and for your screwed up systems and this foul Act. All because of one visit by me to hospital on 6th March 2004 when, among other things, it seems, someone thought I was suicidal. I was not. I was ill - physically - not having a mental breakdown. Not drunk and not drugged. Sexist, ageist shites.

As far as I can tell the medics heard what I said about my professional and student life as psychosis. And I said very little. They made up the rest. They really are undermining the pharmaceutical industry.

What I was trying to say to the police, an act which others with true nastiness called crime, had nothing to do with this visit to hospital and was not an accusation of anyone. Nor was it delusion. The fact that I was not responded to professionally as who and what I am is their stinking belittling sexist prejudiced shit. That is not an accusation of the CPS.

I recall all I have done and said. I know when what I did and said was bizarre and I know it was because no one would let me tell them what reasonably I was telling them in their profesional capacity from within my professioanl capacity as they sought with trickery to make me see myself as mentally ill in ways I knew I was not.

My life denied to me because I would not take a drug I did not need. That was the contribution of the University of Manchester, even when I told them my GP saw no problem with me continuing, irrespective of drugs, which he knew I was not being prescribed and which he did not prescribe. I asked him to tell me if he thought the drug concerned would help. He did not do so. Not until he and Inspector Ian Dellow chose a further abuse of my privacy. On one of those occasions Dr Burley was being an arse covering git. I do not know on which occasion, and he did not give a shit. Was that asshole blaming me for things I had not done and he had no understanding of. Judgemental shit. And I promise you prior to 2004 I was totally respecful in total of him and his colleagues.

I was at the beginning quietly spoken with them, patient and courteous and listening and intelligently. Dr Susan Robson from the University of Manchester was a last hope for me but her desire was to club me into the hole dim witted local prejudice and Michael Worboys were trying to shove me. They have no excuse.

No explanation. Not from Michael Worboys (CHSTM) about his slander of 16.3.04, not from the medics, not from the police and not from Judith Stansfield and not from the DVLA (manipulated by liars and privacy abuse and themselves abusive - do not bloody well dare to try to turn me into a test case) and not from Paul Sclare. Tell me what it was in this local backwater that made you want to trash all I had accomplished in my life and to use and abuse medicine to screw my life to wasted shite? Did I not grovel enough? Was respect not enough?

If you knew my language as it was in writing and in my mind and spoken words before this obscene Act screwed my life to hell you would see in these written words the damage you did as medics, with lies and getting it totally wrong by negligence. Outright fucking negligence motivated by condescension. Witless pillocks wanting to lock up anyone who does not see the world as they do. Idiots wanting to exclude and control.

Michael Worboys in one meeting on 16.3.02 destroyed and wasted quite literally my investment of my life's savings and my life, and had his arrogant head so stuck in the Ivory Tower he did not know what he had done wrong. And he said to me in complete isolation from anything we were talking about (and he and I did not discuss my research, I discussed that with my research supervisor) that the security forces were already on my case. That was in the spring of 2004. I had not said or done a thing at that time anyone could take exception to with respect to CHSTM or my professional life as an editor and journalist.

Judith Stansfield betrayed every aspect of both the professional and personal relationship she and I had had for decades. Her boss told me this week (Feb 12, 2011) I had harassed her. Now he says I had not. I had not done anything other than answer the questions she wanted answering as my conveyancing solicitor. Not one foot had I put wrong. I had asked sensible questions and very few of them. I did not leave long rambling messages or waste anyone's time. If they do your M and A god help you. Ok, so he has now said ok I did not harrass her. Too little and too late. Other than Michael Worboy contacting her (how the hell did he know she had ever been my solicitor) had someone else? I had given her name to no-one ever without her prior consent.

The only thing I needed to know from her was why she had given me the SIGNIFICANT advise she did, after telling me her firm had no-one dealing with national security, criminal law or litigation and that I ought to find a firm in Leeds or Manchester which did. How would the reader or a fellow journalist have responded to this. I went to the police. They turned me away.

The Act is a waste of space. Useless and needless. You cannot legislate for how doctors should diagnose and behave. Why the hell would a doctor knowingly act other than in what they thought was their patient's best interest. If they do not act in the patient's best interest then one can sue or prosecute depending on their wrong, but not if preempted by this mind numbingly stupid and offensive Act. It gives no protection to those wrongly diagnosed. It assumes the worst. It gives no dignity to anyone in its stinking skirts.

None of this was public before the bankruptcy. Mr Lloyd-Jones canceled a meeting he had agreed in 2007 which my then solicitor Phillip Morris had arranged on my behalf. I guess this all seems a like a joke to you? Who cares? Well nobody did. And that is how shites hide their wrong doing and twist a situation to make the victim look like the wrong doer.

Who the hell do these shits think they are? Why the hell not write to me and tell me what you had done and why?

Did Phillip Morris - another solicitor who after months and months chose to dump me -- maybe I did not exhibit the behaviour he needed to justify dumping me until after a brain dead lying bitch of a psychiatrist -- Susan Bradbury -- fixed up bullshit to cover the backs of the witless medical pillocks in the Calder Valley and Hebden Bridge. This is the biggest most obscene and needless arse covering exercise in the history of medicine. How many psychiatric lemmings involved?

Did Mr Morris think I had misled him? When like every cad in the history of the world he walked away from my defence? What shit did you drink in that you did not test with me? He has not got clue one of how terrifying were the consequences of the words of the witless bimbo - Susan Bradbury - were. But then David Hargreaves is similary a lying piece of shit who made up what he wanted.

I should still have the tape I made secretly of my interaction with him. I did not tell him I thought I was a secret agent. I still had not got it into my head that these brain dead pillocks were seeing and hearing me as someone wholly other than who I am.

Jonathan Lloyd-Jones is, as far as I am concerned, a fraud and a coward. He is passive aggressive and perhaps he is sexist. I have no idea why he did not keep the meeting he had agreed to, nor why he investigated anything in 2004. Did he get involved because Michael Worboys contacted Judith Stansfield behind my back and told her he was worried about me? When did Worboys do that? Why? To cover for the fact he had canceled a meeting of resolution with me? What did Judith Stansfield tell him? I had done no wrong to her.

And the solicitors' regulatory authority is mind numbingly stupid if it thinks those stitched up by witless medical pillocks under the coercive terms of the MHAct ought not to have a defence solicitor in Court.

The brain is an integrated organ in the body. All must at all time be allowed to say no. Live with your discomfort at the fact you cannot make others behave as you think they should. But no Act of parliament is needed. Law already exists.

I suggest those who find themselves consigned to a permament category labeled vulnerable should set up their own self help charities. Groups such as The Samaritans, of which I was an active member for three plus years before I chose to resign because of changes I was making in my life in 2000-2001, are not fit for purpose in the case of those called mentally ill. I found in 2005 that The Samaritans are judgmental and exclusionary. They do not explain their exclusionary judgmentalism (that was the case with Halifax Samaritans in 2005) and they betray confidence by making certain callers known to psychiatrists - at least they did when I was a Samaritan. However, not until I learned of the MHAct did I think that was a wrong thing to be doing. Now I know that psychiatrists are the very people abusing and belittling callers. Nor was MIND in Halifax decent and honourable at the end of 2004. They have moved from where they were.

One can sue if the medical profession does not help someone mentally ill if the patient has accepted treatment without coercion. Alternates to drugs can be found. If the patient wants to stop taking drugs a psychiatrist needs to "hold their hand" as they experience the withdrawal and to be there to advise on taking the drugs again if necessary, accepting the word no when it is spoken, providing a safe not a prison environment, giving advice on symptoms to expect and how long drugs take to take effect and what side effects to expect. They are totally qualified to hear and to create a strategy and to modify that and make course corrections as the patient seeks to stop taking drugs. They are qualified to understand when and in what way a symptom might only be a symptom of prescription drug withdrawal. Rest cure might be the answer not drugs. The patient needs to know their privacy with their doctor will be respected and that they can speak honestly without being co-erced into taking drugs. You do not prevent murders with this Act nor protect society by violating medical confidentiality. In fact you do just the opposite. In addition the drugs themselves might be the problem.

We need to stop legislating in response to things going wrong but to look at the root of the legal system and to see which bit of what we already have has worked and has not worked.

I have just thought. Did some eavesdropping or jealous shit overhear calls I was making professionally on behalf of bona fide news outlets and bad mouth me to medics? Or did someone exaggerate things discussed with them in a personal capacity.

If you are not an emergency doctor take no chances with informed consent.

And for the sake of establishing principle and a body of thinking I think that no one -- now take this as establishing thoughts for the sake or thought -- needs protecting from themselves. A baby does not pick up a hot poker in order to hurt herself. Move the poker. Put up a fireguard. Learn baby talk.

Medics are supposed to have a degree in medicine not in thuggery and emotional blackmail. If someone you know well behaves out of character do not assume they are mentally ill.

In the meantime if thugs, like the medical thugs who attacked me in 2008 attack you, oh medics, I will not shed a tear for you. How can I? You and this country dehumanised me from 2004, abused me, lied to me and about me. You cut away one of my core beliefs. From the age of 10 I worked toward medical school, and I was offered a place on merit.

I did not work all the hours I did because I dreamed of being a thug and blackmailer, but because I wanted to heal and had the intellectual ability and stomach and persistence for the job. I missed the grades - for good reasons, but am proud of and delighted by the degree I took (earned) instead.

There are no human rights for those dehumanised by having their freedom of choice removed other than as a sentence for crime and even then some freedom of choice can be retained. Freedom of choice is a birthright.

In March 2004 I knew I had at least 20 years of working life ahead of me, was happy at the prospect and was looking forward to those years and earning more money. I had been profitable for all of my freelance years but not profitable enough to absorb the fluctuations one needs to absorb, hence my decisions of 2002. it was a wrench but I had successfully made the change.

Had Calderdale Metrolpolitan Burrough Council (and others) given me then in 2005 the information they could have done as I picked myself up from the floor I might still have avoided bankruptcy but they did not. If, as a medic, you think someone is delusional you need to tell the patient what you think they have said or done which you think is a delusion. If you have noted a physical symptom - such as a change in eye dilation - tell them. If you think they might have taken drugs or drunk too much, tell them and ask them. Consider doing physical tests. And do not tell the police. They really do not need you to do their job for them, nor are you a defence solicitor. If you would mind your own business the world would be a lot better place.

Perhaps re CMBC I am wrong. Perhaps in 2005 I could not have claimed working tax credit, or was not allowed any savings if I claimed job seekers' allowance.

And I accuse my then office landlord of dishonest and illegal behaviour toward me. He is called Mr/Dr Green, then of Grumpy's Mill in Todmorden. He legally used both these names with me. He said I might move to a larger office and that I might decorate it and put in a telephone line and then when I had done these things, paid for them with my time and my precious dwindling money resource, when I had got commissions and thought I might just make it, he illegally sought to evict me without cause. I got a lawyer and paid him. He won me time. The official receiver returned to me all my bank records when, 18 months later, I faced bankruptcy caused by 2004 to 2006. Throughout 2004 it never crossed my mind the medics and police and Judith Stansfield and Worboys would not explain their garbage of the first part of the year, and I tried via the law.

If you think you have explained, and the person is still asking about something of legitimate concern to them, then you have obviously failed to communicate and a misunderstandung needs to be resolved.

And in 2005 I can prove my office rent was paid. I can prove I was there because of the efforts I was making via the Council and ward counsellors concerning a gas leak (noted by others in addition to myself) near work premises using some kind of volatile chemical and my interaction with the Council's environmental officers. I do not think that was the cause of what put me in hospital in March 2004, but it could well have been an associated odourless gas similar, perhaps, to carbon monoxide in effect.

That behaviour by my office landlord wasted my last capital asset. It is not the money spent against actuarial realities, known assets and known current and future earning ability that does the damage, but money not earned because of the damage passive aggressive slandering ignorant vigilante shits and wilfully ignorant and lying medics do and then refuse to explain.

The medical profession killed something in me with utter nastiness between 2004 and 2008, and they have earned my hatred.There are a number of reasons why it is not crazy for me to have thought I might have had food or drink spiked (a question I asked on 23.3.04). And it is still by far the most plausible explanation for what put me in hospital that early afternoon. But I did not think this until later. And I know beyond a hsadow of a doubt I have none of the symptoms the medical profession has sought to tell me I said I had.

What are the reasons why it might have been "spiked" food or drink?

One: someone might be trying to make it seem I am something I am not. I have in mind in particular the person who stole my handbag 1999 or 2000, just as I was about to submit my first full draft of the History of Eumetsat, and who, before s/he discarded my handbag put something in a vial in my handbag. If you want that back ask West Yorkshire Police. I left it with them. They recovered the bag, and they drew my attention to all the contents and asked if anything was missing. I told them the vial was not mine. Their forensics and an examination of my bank account and medical record of the time, which was not yet a rigmarole of nonesense, ought to make clear whatever was in my bag belonged to you and not to me. I had not touched the vial. Certainly I can promise you the forensics are on my side. And, anyway, I do not take illicit drugs (and the vial could very well indeed have been innocuous) and never have done, though I have always suspected I might have inhaled a puff of cannabis at one party at University in 1978. Though, actually, probably not. It was the years before I started smoking - and then stopped. If I did it was an experience I never wanted to repeat.

Someone might have thought I was doing something at the University of Manchester other than being a student. I was not.

Someone might have thought if drugs had killed me that someone might inherit money they, the killer, could get hold of. Long shot in my mind. And implausible.Rather than having food or drink spiked I inhaled something odourless with delayed and/or cummulative action. This is not a fanciful option because of the physical symptoms, and could have been a real accident because of my then work situation, and because of the symptoms the medics did not give a toss about. This, in a cackhanded manner, is what I was trying to convey to the solicitor who won me time when my office landlord tried to throw me out. The medics did not know of the physical symptoms because they were too busy calling me deluded.

Four: I thought at the time there might have been an intrusion to my home. I had no record of imagining such things. The only previous occasion I had contacted the police about such a thing my neighbour saw someone running away from my home and, later, the police recovered most of what had been stolen. It was summer. I had stepped inside and gone upstairs, briefly, without locking the back door because I thought the outlook onto the fields made my cottage safe. It was not, and my handbag and laptop computer were stolen.

On a later occasion, when my handbag was stolen as I had tea in Manchester Library with Michael Worboys (CHSTM), the theft was caught on CCTV, and GMP obtained a conviction.

Though I might have been wrong about earlier events I have no doubt that later in the spring of 2004 there was an intrusion to my home when the door was locked, because someone physically rearranged the furniture so that a door in my bedroom which would not close, because the furniture impeded the door by a significant margin, suddenly would close. There is no way I could have dismantled, moved and reassembled the bed in a fugue state. That was a deeply scary thing: to wonder why some unknown person was creeping around in my bedroom and moving things. Theft did not freak me out. That did. And it was about the same time that Michael Worboys from CHSTM was telling me the security forces were already on my case and Dr Balraj was trying to convince me, without any explanation, that I was psychotic. As with my interaction with Michael Worboys on 16.304 she did not know of his later words to me. nor of the intrusion to my bedroom. This situation makes one imagine things. But I contend - m'lud - that that freaking out was not mental illness. So neither of those things was her reason for calling me psychotic. The thinking she had by 1st April 2004, though she did not at the time tell me, nor why. Had she done so, particularly why. much pain and loss could have been avoided.

Five: there were unusual reasons why it was not crazy of me to be concerned there might have been an intrusion (even if it was a stress induced fear rather than a reality) and to think I ought to tell the police. It was their prejudice and sexism that made them treat my professionalism as though I were a deluded bitch. Again it is The Mental Health Act which seems to have softened brains.

So I have no idea how the medics came up with the conclusions it seems they did come up with. And I have gave them many courteous opportunities to tell me and explain.

After 1.4.04 (the dates of destruction being 6.3.04/16.3.04 and 1.4.04 I threw everything into screaming reversal and accepted that for six months I would have to pay rent. I had not anticipated continuing lack of explanation from Worboys (seemingly surrounded that spring by gullible sycophants), knew nothing of the medical shite and lies in the notes of Balraj, and did not factor Paul Sclare into account. He should go into medical history as the worst diagnostician in history, and as a charlatan as a doctor. And he, not me, is the asshole who should be prosecuted for crime. How bloody dare this class ridden country of snobs seek to screw my life to shite because of life destroying lying medics with a power base to protect?

And I blame in total the Mental Health Act, and its emotionally sappy irrational stupid incompetent life destroying precepts and reasoning, with its underlying assumption of guilt and stupidity and incompetence. And its sick second rate prejudice from witless pillocks seeking to bolster their own status with this act of shit.

Finally, Ian Dellow said to me in mid 2004 in the patrol inspector's office at Halifax Police Station, and when he was wearing uniform, that a D.Notice would apply. I tried very, very, very hard to find out from him what he was talking about, and I tried to warn colleagues. I was justifiably afraid. He was right, but I had no idea how he or anyone knew or could know, nor whether we were talking about the same thing. Later I learned he had been saying I had alleged interference by another State. He sent me an email. I still have the hard drive. I had not done so. I had tried to tell him that Judith Stansfield had said to me in mid April 2004 that her firm had no one dealing with national security, criminal law or litigation, and to find a firm that did. I went to the police.

She has behaved as a dishonet and wholly dishonourable bitch in her professional capacity.

I wanted to tell WYP what they actually ought to know in light of those words from Ms Stansfield, but I did not know Judith Stansfield was denying the conversation (I have my phone records - does she - she is not above the law). Nor did I know she was telling her boss I had harassed her. Now I know why the secretaries of WYP might interpret that, but in the case of Ms Stansfield there is not one single tiny thing that could have justified that accusation. I do not know why she said that, but I knew what I NEEDED to say to police in light of those words. Her firm had read and critiqued at my request my contract with EUMETSAT. I paid them.

Not Ian Dellow and not Ms Stansfield would tell me what they meant. I have been an editor and journalist working at a national and international level, and since 1980 when I graduated from the University of Leeds.

After my acquittal for the crime of harassment without violence of secretaries of WYP, with whom I should never have come into contact, I tried to get help from the Northern Office of the NUJ in order to resolve the matter of Ian Dellow and police behaviour. It was important to my professional life. There was every reason to think it could have been related to my journalism. That help was not forthcoming.

I am a member in good standing of the UK and Irish National Union of Journalists. I have an up to date press card valid until the end of January 2013.
Helen Gavaghan, 8th May, 2011.

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